I'm not afraid

I've been contemplating a lot lately. Doing a lot of praying and contemplating. I've been thinking a lot lately about life in general..about all the things that have happened in my life and how they have shaped me into who I am today. I want to be a better person. I think I have become a better person, but I still want to be better. I still want to live up to what I was created to be. I have a long ways to go.

I'm reading a book right now that is changing my life. It's changing my perspective. It's challenging me to think about how my pathetic attempts at becoming a better person were just for show. I wasn't really giving it my all. I was just doing the bare minimum to get recognition for something positive. I'm starting to realize that it's not about recognition or "proving a point." I was just being "lukewarm" about something I should be on fire for.

Memories of the past have been flooding my mind a lot lately. I can't really explain it, but I feel like I have a lesson to learn from all of it. I know it sounds crazy. I know my thoughts are sounding completely crazy right now. I promise you, I am completely sane. But, in a way, I feel like the experiences and memories from my past are starting to come together and teach me one great big lesson..and I'm finally not afraid to learn it. It sounds so off the wall, but I'm beginning to see what the true purpose of my life really is.

It's exciting, because not many people ever really have that feeling. They just go through the motions of life and don't think much about it. You might be reading this and think that I just have too much time on my hands and I'm over-analyzing every aspect of my life. That's ok. I'm starting to see that my life is so much more than just going to work every day and paying my bills. I can bring so much more to this world. I promise you, I will.