Ready, Set, Weekend!

Another weekend to relax...I am enjoying it :) As much as I have complained about my clinical, I do have to say that it is going by faster than any other clinical ever has. This is probably because 1) it's a sports medicine / orthopedic clinical which is exactly what I want to specialize in someday 2) I work four 10 hour days, so the one day off during the week makes the weeks seem shorter and 3) because it's wintertime and there's nothing better to do anyway!

I'm slowly but surely getting more and more confident in my ability to independently evaluate and treat such complex patients. Some of them are not so complex...for example, I'm pretty much an expert (slight sarcasm, but not much) when it comes to treating people for neck/back pain and I'm getting pretty good with shoulders and knees. Monday, I am evaluating a patient for a talus fracture. Week 1, I would have been totally intimidated and freaked out by this, because I'm sorry, but how in the heck do you fracture your talus? It is the "dumbest bone in the body" according to Gary Gray. Well...I'm currently excited about doing this evaluation and a) find out how this happened and b) see if I can successfully treat it.

I'm pretty proud of myself because I evaluated a patient about a week and half ago and successfully diagnosed her with a frozen shoulder (a/k/a adhesive capsulitis). This should be a pretty easy diagnosis, but it's the first time I've ever been able to diagnose a patient all on my own. Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself. Not only have I diagnosed her, but I have been doing her treatments based on my very own treatment plan and it has worked. She is getting a lot better. It's very encouraging! Ok, yeah I've seen a lot of patients that I developed my own treatment plan for and they got better, but this is the first one that I actually diagnosed as something different than what her primary physician diagnosed her with (rotator cuff tendonitis) and treated. The fact that she's getting better with MY plan makes me feel like I might actually be smarter than I've given myself credit for.

I am also giving my CI my full respect again, even though I thought it was pretty insensitive to make me go in on Wednesday, because I can tell that he felt bad about it after the fact. Yesterday was a very good day. I decided that the best route is to be completely professional so I told him that I really wanted to make up for the day that I missed in some way, even if he didn't want me to come in over spring break, I would at least do an extra project or homework assignment. He said that he would give me just one more homework assignment to work on, because I have already done so many. I think that's pretty fair. So that's how I'm making up for my snow day. I really can't complain. Plus, I am going to luck out on Monday because we're apparently done with patients by 4pm so he can give a presentation to the 2nd year DPT students in the sports medicine elective, so I get to sit in during his presentation for the last 2 and a half hours of the work day. The best part is, they are making the students come to our facility, so I don't even have to drive to the school for this. Score.

In other news, I'm pretty excited that the olympics have started. My TV is pretty much glued to NBC for the next 2 weeks. I've also been inspired to start working out again seriously. I've been such a lazy bum. I finally bought my own physioball at Walmart today and pretty much killed my abs on it and I'm going to get back to biking until the snow melts and I can go outside and run again. I think I can handle the schedule of full-time work, studying for boards, and working out like a beast. But we'll see. The overall number one goal is to pass the boards. Then get in shape enough to look like a respectable physical therapist. Wish me luck.

Ignorance has got to be Bliss

I am so furious and I don't know if I will even get over it in the next 3 weeks. I am trying very hard to be "professional" but it's been pretty difficult to bite my tongue.

As I said in my last post, I called in to my clinical on Tuesday due to the snow storm that we got. Whenever we miss a day of our clinical, we are supposed to email our clinical coordinator at school and let her know. So, I thought I was doing the right thing and emailed her and let her know that I missed Tuesday due to the bad road conditions and that I did not feel safe enough to be on the road. Tuesday night, I received an email back from her basically saying that she understands my decision not to go in, but I need to formulate a plan with my CI to make up for my absence so that it doesn't seem "unprofessional" and that "now that the roads are cleared off" I should head to Toledo and stay with "someone" so that I can make it to my clinical the next day. Um....ok.....

So I replied back that we were currently under a level 2 snow emergency, as was Lucas county, and that I was not trying to be unprofessional in any way. I apologized for my absence, but tried to explain that I can not afford to total my car and have injuries/hospital bills right before graduation when I am going to have student loans to pay off and will NEED to be working as a physical therapist (pretty difficult to do if you're injured). I gave her plenty of notice that I would probably be missing yesterday (Wednesday) as well since the conditions had worsened.

Yesterday morning, I woke up at my normal time (ugh...5:30) and looked outside and saw that my car was completely stuck in a snowpile. I watched my neighbor out back trying to leave for work at 6:30 and get his car stuck in the snow-covered parking lot. I still got around for work like I normally would, but then saw on tv that there were all kinds of car accidents. As it got lighter, I saw that my car was definitely stuck. So I called in to my clinical site. The receptionist was very nice and said that was fine. She asked if I wanted to speak to my CI and I said yes so that I could get an idea of how he wanted me to make up the missed hours (whether it be making them up over spring break or coming in on a couple of Thursdays, etc.). He gets on the phone and I tell him that I am very sorry but I will not be able to make it in. He says, "At all?!?!" and I said, "well unless the conditions improve, I might be able to make it in this afternoon. My car is currently stuck." and he says, "well go out, get your car unstuck and GET HERE. The roads are fine once you get out of your area."

Ok...jerk. I was so mad, I about started to scream at him. But I just said ok...went out and spent 30 minutes getting my car out and headed toward Toledo. I had to drive 20 miles per hour the whole way there because the road was a sheet of ice that had been packed down by all of the snow plows. Every time a semi went by in the other direction, it sprayed so much snow that I could not even see where I was going. It was impossible to see the lines on the road to even know if you were ON the road, and if any of those semis going the other direction had jack-knifed, I would have been dead. Thanks Wildwood for making me risk my life to get to your stupid clinic. Of course, once I got to Toledo the roads were fine and completely clear because more traffic (that had been going slower and stopped for stop lights) had been on them to warm them up. They had also been salted.

I get to the clinic at 9:30 and the receptionist who had taken my phone call got a very surprised look on her face and said something about how my drive was. I was so shaken up by the drive that I had tears in my eyes. I told her it was horrible and walked back to the gym. I get to the gym and one of the ATCs asked me how my drive was (in front of my CI) and I just said, "I don't want to talk about it." I looked around and saw that both PTA students at the clinic had called off and no one had made them come in. At lunch-time, my CI and his wife (who also works there) sat down at the lunch table and his wife says really loud and pronounced (apparently for me to hear), "the roads are FINE. They're all completely clear." I wanted to be like "Yeah in f-ing TOLEDO. They are not clear in RURAL areas if you would watch the f-ing news." but I kept my mouth shut. Then, one of the other employees of the clinic came in and said that she had tried to call off and they made her come in as well. She lives near me and came in furious that the rehab director had made her come in. She started explaining (in front of my CI and his wife) how horrible the roads were and how she felt like she had really risked her life to come in. I agreed with her and we sat there talking about the horrible road conditions for about 30 minutes, while my CI just stared at us.

I later went back to the office and my CI came in behind me. I told him how sorry I was for missing Tuesday and that I would be more than willing to make it up the Monday of spring break. He told me not to worry about it at all and it wasn't a big deal. He said, "we're pretty understanding of that here." What a joke. No you're not. You're not understanding at all. You think everyone who works there lives within a 5 block radius and that it was no trouble at all to get there. You have no respect for my life and the fear I felt driving to your stupid clinic. I have no respect for my CI anymore. None. I know we are supposed to have professional relationships and I will keep it that way. I didn't argue with him at all and when he told me I could leave yesterday at 6 instead of 6:30, I didn't even attempt to ask if he was sure that was ok. I just took off. It was already getting dark and I knew my drive home was going to suck just as bad as it did getting there. Several people told me on my way out to "be careful!" in front of my CI. I'm sure he doesn't feel bad in the least for making me come in yesterday, but I for one have no respect for his attitude about it.

I get home and have an email from my clinical coordinator that made me feel a little bit better. She told me that she didn't feel I was being unprofessional at all, just to be sure I spoke with my CI about making up the hours. Well, I did that...But she also said to get used to the fact that not all clinics are the same and "life isn't fair." Um yeah, I know life isn't fair, but let me just say one thing....I'm pretty glad I have a "life" and I'd like to keep it. You're not going to tell me that "life isn't fair" when it comes to risking it to get to a clinical.

The best part of this whole scenario, at least 5 of my classmates with clinicals in Toledo did not go in yesterday. They all called in, except for one who's clinic called her and told her that they were closed for the day due to bad weather. Her clinic is the St. V's outpatient department, located about 2 miles away from Wildwood.

Needless to say, the next 3 weeks can not go by fast enough.

Snow Day

Well, it looks like we're in for the "blizzard of 2010" or something along those sorts that channel 11 news will call this. We're expected to get 12+" of snow between today and tomorrow. I woke up this morning at 5am to a tiny bit of snow, watched the news and there were no cancellations, went to get around for work, came back to the tv and there were tons of cancellations. I look outside and just in that 45 minutes time, we had over 2 inches of snow on the ground. I went out to my car and started to leave, got 1 mile out of town, and turned around. I could barely see where I was going and the snow was drifting all over the road.

I ended up calling off of work and they acted pretty mean about it. I feel horrible. I know it's a clinical and I really should be there unless it is a level 3 snow emergency, but I really did not feel safe driving there today. I know that these conditions are only going to get worse and most of our patients will probably cancel their appointments anyway. I suppose it would be different if I was in an acute care setting for my clinical, but I'm not, and I would be so bitter if I risked my life to get to work and then all the patients canceled anyway.

Needless to say, however, I do feel pretty horrible for calling off. Now that it's getting light out, it doesn't look as bad as it did when it was dark this morning. But they keep saying how it's going to get a lot worse and I, for one, did not want to get stuck in Toledo. I also didn't want a totaled vehicle right before graduation. I guess I will just pay the price of getting lectured about it and probably having to make the day up later on. I am by far not a baby when it comes to driving in bad weather. I can drive in some pretty crappy conditions, but this I refuse to drive in. Everyone can call me a baby and lecture me for my "lack of work ethic" all they want, but I have been on time every single day and willing to stay late every single night. If I want to play it safe and stay home, I should be able to do that without any receptionists getting snotty with me for calling in. Oh well...guess I'll just sit here and feel guilty all day!

putting things into perspective..

Today I went with a group of people from my church to serve food at a homeless shelter in downtown Toledo. I'm not trying to brag about my community service efforts or anything, but I am really glad I went to do that this afternoon. It taught me a lot about being more appreciative of the things I have in life and the opportunities I have been given. It also taught me a lot about patience and compromise.

The particular shelter that we went to was a Christian-based shelter and therefore does not receive any money from the government and relies totally on the generosity of others, particularly from various church groups who donate their time and money to help. In order to stay at the shelter and receive meals, individuals are required to abide by a particular set of rules (no handguns, no violence, no swearing, etc.) and attend church services.

We were told to arrive at the shelter by 4pm to serve food, so we left here at 1:30 to give ourselves enough time to set up and get everything ready. When we arrived, we were told that the first meal service isn't until 5pm. Since we arrived at 2:30, we had over 2 hours to get everything ready. When we were just about done getting set up, we saw another group of people walk in with large containers of hot food. We realized soon that they were from another church and the shelter had accidentally double-booked two churches to bring food on one night. Since the other church was from Sylvania and we were from farther away, they graciously let us stay and serve the food that we had brought and said that they would reschedule their time. This was the lesson in patience and generosity. I can imagine they probably weren't the most thrilled to have prepared all of that food just to realize that we were already there with food to serve.

We didn't serve food to any women or children in person. They have a separate house that they stay in that we sent food over to. We served food to about 80 men in person. Many of them thanked us several times and even came up to us after they ate to thank us again. They were all very polite and many of them refused seconds, even though we had plenty of food, stating that they did not want to appear "greedy." The whole experience left me wondering how I would act if I were in their shoes. Would I have taken the time to come up after the meal to thank the people who had brought food? Would I have been able to hold back on the amount of food I ate in an effort to save more food for others, even if I was hungry and cold? I honestly don't know...I can only imagine how difficult that must be for them. Here I have been complaining on and on about how stressful my life is and how hard it is to go through PT school when there are people out there who don't even have a place to live and have to rely on groups like ours just to have enough food to survive. This experience really put things into perspective for me. I thank God for all of the opportunities He has given me and all of the blessings He has provided for me. I may not have a lot of extra money to give to others, but I will give what I can of my time and effort to help those in need.

Just keep swimming...

Ah my much-needed day off....things are getting crazier and crazier by the day at Wildwood. While I watch the other PT students seeing one patient while their CIs see other patients, I have somehow been given the responsibility of trying to juggle the entire caseload, meaning I am attempting to see 2-3 patients at a time all day long, while squeezing in last minute evaluations over my lunch break. These 11-12 hour days 4 days a week are starting to exhaust me. While I'm glad for so many learning opportunities, I think it's just a teeny tiny bit unfair to expect me to handle the entire caseload of a PT who's been working there for over 5 years and has traveled with the olympic team to treat athletes at the games. I mean, come on..yesterday during lunch we had to squeeze in an evaluation for a gymnast who fell on her head and was having sternum pain. Um...I can honestly say that I NEVER learned in school how to treat sternum pain. Seriously. So now I will probably fail the CPI (my midterm grades that I will be receiving tomorrow), because I had absolutely no clue where to even begin with this person. Tomorrow I'm evaluating a patient who has had achilles tendon repair. Do you think we've discussed that in school? of course not. So it's starting to get just a little overwhelming trying to evaluate these people and treat 2-3 other people at the same time and do it over and over again all day long.

To top it off, I haven't even started my service project or presentation that I am giving in a few weeks. My CI has given me homework on patello-femoral pain that involves me having to read 10 articles that are all about 10 pages long and then answering 15 questions on them by Monday. I still have to fill out my own CPI today, and trying to grade myself is really going to suck. To make it even better, something in the dry winter air this season has made the skin under my fingernails pull away from my fingernails, leaving me with bloody fingers where they crack and bleed, so all of my fingers are bandaged and I can hardly type or write. Awesome.

But...with that said, I am still trying to have a better attitude. I keep looking at all of this as a great learning experience and as much as it sucks, it will make me a better PT. If I ever get a job in a low-key setting, I will appreciate it 10x more than I would have before. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that I actually pass my CPI tomorrow and don't leave crying over the fact that my CI thinks I am at "beginner" level. I really don't want to have to email our clinical coordinator and explain to her why my CI thinks I'm a total idiot.

The Pursuit of Happiness

Well I guess I will post one more time since it's the weekend and I've been pretty productive for the past 2 days. I have to say that I miss the days of laying around doing nothing all day long, but being busy does make me feel like I actually have a purpose in life. It keeps me from being lonely. I don't know why I've been feeling so lonely lately, it's not like I don't have tons of family around to keep me company, and let's face it, I live right in the center of town. Not that there's tons of things going on in this town, but there are at least cars going by and people outside. I'm not out in the boonies with nothing to see.

I actually did get quite a bit accomplished this weekend. Yesterday I finished all of the homework that my CI gave me and even read the article that my friend's CI gave her. Doing all of that work is not exactly how I would have liked to spend a Saturday, but it did make me feel very accomplished to get it all done. Plus, I really am learning a lot by making myself sit down and do it. I'm sure there are plenty of mindless television shows I could have been watching instead, but I'm glad I was productive. I even took a few hours to study for boards today. Although I am not getting very far, because it's very slow going with the anatomy stuff, I'm at least getting something done.

With my newfound motivation to study for boards and become the best physical therapist I can be to improve the lives of others, I've found the motivation to improve my own life in the process. I have come to the conclusion that I really need to make a full-blown effort to improve my life and be a better person. I think I have made great strides so far. I'm not dating any losers anymore. I'm trying to make more of an effort to have a positive attitude. I'm praying a lot more. I just still feel like there is more that I can do to improve myself. I need to surround myself with people who are positive and supportive and who can help me become the person that I want to be. I've found that the only time I'm really happy and feel like I am heading in the right direction is when I am at church. It probably sounds pretty ridiculous seeing as how I go to such a small church and there are hardly any people my age there, but I feel like it's the only time that I'm not sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Even though I'm completely overwhelmed with my clinicals and trying to study for boards and working on extra homework assignments and projects, I feel like I need to step up and be a better person in my church and in my community. If I want to make a name for myself as a doctor of physical therapy and be the person I set out to be 4 years ago, I need to make more of an effort. So, here's a list of things that I am going to give my best effort at accomplishing in order to be a better person and a better role model.

• Participate in more community service activities. This Saturday, my Sunday school class is going to a homeless shelter in Toledo to serve dinner. At first, I was kind of on the fence about going, but today I made the commitment to go and I am actually looking forward to it. I guess I never really thought about the true rewards of giving my time before, but last October, a bunch of us from church went and helped build a house for Habitat for Humanity in Fayette. The family that lives in that house came to church today and it was such a good feeling to know that I actually took part in helping them have a nice home to live in. I want to do more to help other people by serving and giving of my time.
• Participate in more community events in general. I'm not really sure yet how I want to accomplish this, but I know I want to be a more productive member of my community. I've debated for a while now about joining various community organizations, but it's been difficult with the varying hours/locations of my clinical sites. I would hate to join an organization and then not be able to make it to the meetings because of late hours at a clinical that is far away. However, I am seriously looking at joining a community organization, whether it be the athletic boosters, fine arts, etc. I will join one before this year is over.
• Be a more active member of my church. I feel like one of those church members who just kind of shows up every Sunday and doesn't really do a whole lot else. For example, the sign up sheet for nursery went around today. It was for people to sign up to watch the kids that come to church during the sermon and things that kids do not generally find entertaining. But I didn't sign up for any days. I probably should have. But there are other ways to get involved, such as signing up to make food one morning for the Welcome Room, which is probably more my thing.
• Surround myself with people who support me in my efforts. This means, surrounding myself with people who support my decision to be a better person, not those who just laugh at the idea of me trying to be better. Not that I am going to drop all of the friends that I have now. I still love my friends, but I feel like I need to surround myself with others who are more supportive and uplifting. It may take a while for me to find those people and it may be a little lonely for a while, but I am determined to do it. It will be impossible for me to accomplish my goals without support and encouragement from others.
• Trust. This is a big thing for me. I have a very difficult time trusting other people. I am going to make an effort to trust others more. I might get hurt along the way, but I guess that's what life is all about. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be overly trusting. But I am going to put more trust in other people and actually let them be a part of my life, rather than shutting them out because I am afraid of what might happen if I let them in.
• Stop living my life by the clock. I am constantly looking at the clock and relying on it to control my life. This is a big thing that I need to just stop. My clinical experience has shown me that I need to knock this off. I have always been one of those people who hates being late for things and will always be 10 minutes early. However, I need to realize that in the real world, time is not that big of a deal. People are going to be a couple of minutes late and in the grand scheme of thing, what's a couple of minutes? What is 10 minutes or 15 minutes? Not that big of a deal. If I have to stay late at work because someone came late for an appointment, are those 15 minutes really going to ruin my night? Not at all. My attitude on this is starting to change. I could have spent those 15 minutes laying around eating and watching crappy television, or I could have spent those 15 minutes helping relieve someone's pain or helping that person re-gain his or her strength or helping that person to walk again. Those 15 minutes aren't worth stressing about.
• Be more active. Even if it's only just 15 minutes of Wii Fit, which isn't even that strenuous of exercise. In the winter-time, it's very difficult to get motivated enough to work out. In the summer, my mom and I can motivate each other to go for walks in the evenings, but in the winter, it's a different story. I have a hard time making myself get up off the couch and doing any sort of physical activity. However, I know I need to practice what I preach, so even if I just get up and do 15 minutes of minimal-effort Wii Fit, at least I got up and did something and had fun. It's also a pretty good study break.
• Be more thankful for what I have. How could I have spent so much time taking all of my blessings for granted? I have been blessed with the most wonderful family that anyone in the world could ask for. They would do anything for me. Just to prove that - this morning both my aunt and my mom offered to cook supper for me any night I wanted them to and this afternoon I went out to my cousin's shop to change the oil in my car and since the auto parts store was closed when I left, he provided the oil and filter, and also filled my windshield wiper fluid and let me use his air compressor to fill my tires. I tried to pay him for his time and he refused to take any money. I do plan to restock his oil and filter, but you don't get much more supportive family members than that. I will NEVER take them for granted and I can only hope that someday I will be able to re-pay them for all that they have done for me. Also, I have been blessed with a beautiful place to live. Who would have thought that my living situation would work out as it did. I was blessed enough to live in my uncle's rental house for over a year, lived in my brothers house for a month, and now I live in the most beautiful apartment with tons of space for a reasonable price. I feel so blessed to have been given this opportunity. I plan to live here and be grateful for it for quite some time.

These are just a few of the things that I plan on doing, or have already started doing, that will help me become the person I want to be. I may not "have it all" but I am pretty darn close when I really take a look at it. There are really no rewards for laying on the couch doing nothing. A rewarding life comes from hard work, determination, and giving of myself to those around me. Being a positive role model and doing the best I can do to make the place I live a better place to live is what it's all about. I've come to realize that life isn't perfect and we all make mistakes in it. It's up to me to make my life what I want it to be and in my pursuit of happiness, whatever is meant to happen, will happen.

I am determined to stay determined.

Oh goodness, I really need a break. I made it through another week at Wildwood, but not without some exhaustion setting in. I'm not really sure how I am supposed to squeeze in the time to study for boards with all of the homework I've been getting. Don't get me wrong, the stuff that my CI gives me to work on at home is very relevant to what we're doing in the clinic and is very helpful, but there is another girl from my PT class at Wildwood and whenever HER CI gives her homework, he gives it to me as well. Not cool at all. My CI doesn't give HER homework. So, on top of reading 5 articles about the shoulder and answering 15 questions based on these articles, I have to read one random article about ACL injuries. All this weekend. All while trying to study for boards. Who said the weekends were for relaxing?

Last night I came home and fell asleep by 9:30. I've become a real party animal like that. My brain really needed a rest. I woke up this morning with all kinds of motivation to get things done, but I'm losing steam pretty quickly. I'm about half done with my shoulder questions. By the time I finish it, my brain will be too tired to even open the review book for boards. And every time I do open it, I want to cry because we never learned any of the information in it in school. I wasn't kidding when I said that I am going to have to teach myself how to become a physical therapist in the next 4 months. Either I have a serious undiagnosed learning disability or the UT physical therapy program needs to be totally revamped.

But, I just keep plugging away and reminding myself of the ultimate goal. This is hard work, but I know that it will all be worth it in the end. If I truly want to be the best that I can be, I need to get serious. As much as I wish I had more free time, getting my butt kicked like this is really making me a much better PT (well, PT student for now). If all of my clinicals were as easy as the first few were, I would have never pushed myself like this. A small part of me is glad that I am feeling so stupid right now. Working hard to change that is making me more confident. However, don't think that I don't have the days counted down until this clinical is over. 20 more 12 hour work days (and one 8 hour Saturday inservice)....I can do this.