Quote of the day

Patient: I'm so sorry I forgot to have my husband bring my walker from home.

Me: That's ok, you can just have him bring it any time between now and when you go home. I just need to adjust it to make sure it's the right size for you.

Patient: Well my husband said he can bring it tomorrow morning, but he has to work really early. If he brings it in before work, will the hospital be open that early the morning?

I set fire to the rain..

Well, needless to say, there have been some updates to my life in the past month. The first one being that Ryan and I broke up and even though I am the one that made the final decision to break up, I'm 100% sure it was a mutual decision. I don't have anything negative to say about him. It just wasn't meant to be. My life has definitely been a lot quieter lately, but there are some lessons to be learned in all of this and I am going to take them for what they're worth.

Lesson #1: Don't ever forget who you are. In the process of being in a relationship with someone who has 4 kids, I devoted so much time and effort into them and their lives that I completely forgot my own. I put a lot of my priorities on the back burner and never took the time to sit down and remember my own wants and needs. I will no longer do that.

Lesson #2: Don't ever make someone a priority if they only make you an option. I made the huge mistake of making someone a priority over my friends and family, spending all my time with him and his family I guess to prove that I was committed. I do believe that the person you love should come first, but I know now that it was too soon to start prioritizing.

Lesson #3: Your true friends will still be your friends no matter what. My friends have proven time and again throughout my life that they are genuinely true friends, but this time they have really come through to show their support. Friends that I have not seen in many months have checked on me to make sure that I am alright. These are true friends and I can only hope that I would display the same level of kindness and caring to them as they have for me.

Lesson #4: Your family will always be your family. I love my family with all of my being. Although I may not always show it, I do. And to have them stand by me through all the good times and bad, well.. that's just what families do and I am so very blessed to have mine, because they are the greatest.

Lesson #5: Don't let anyone make you feel like you aren't successful. I don't like to brag on my own accomplishments, therefore I hardly ever do. And I think other people tend to forget the fact that I am smart and I do know a thing or two about life and I have gone through graduate school. I will never again let someone treat me like I am not smart. Yes I will admit that I have had help to get to where I'm at today, who hasn't? But I have built this life by my own effort. I did the work to get through grad school. I got the job. And I have my own house and my own cars and I pay my own bills. I won't let anyone make me feel like I am not smart.

So those are the lessons I've learned through this experience. Everything happens for a reason. I can smile because I have good memories from it and now I've moved on. There is more waiting for me in this life and I'm ready to find out what that is.

Life and Loss

Most who read this regularly already know that my dad passed away last week. Words can't really describe how I felt when I found out. I guess you'd have to know my entire life story and understand the circumstances to really even begin to grasp the mix of emotions that I have been feeling over the past 28 years. I can tell you with complete honesty that when the phone rang last Tuesday night at 10:44 pm and I saw that it was my brother calling, I knew exactly, without a shadow of a doubt, what he was calling to tell me before I even picked up the phone. And even after he told me, I was still shocked. It doesn't make much sense, but then again, if you didn't live through the circumstances, you wouldn't understand. In the days that followed, I felt a mixture of shock, anger, sadness, rage, loneliness, fear, regret, bewilderment and grief. I can't help but wonder what if, even though I can't change anything. In the end, I don't have any regrets. I did what I thought was best in an effort to get him the help that he needed. He did not choose to get help. But that does not change the fact that I have lost my father and I am sad that he is never coming back.

All in all, my dad was not a perfect father, not even close. He was not a perfect person, not even close. He had many faults and he did not do his best to be a good dad to me. But he was still my dad. He led a life that I will never understand. He did a lot of things that I will never understand. But I loved him regardless. And although I don't have too many happy memories of my dad, I do have some that I will never forget... I remember my dad taking me fishing some pond around Bryan. I don't remember where it was exactly or who owned it, but I can remember going a few times just the two of us and my dad teaching me how to get the fish off the hooks without getting cut. I remember my dad sitting me down one day when I was still in elementary school and telling me that when I grew up I could be anything I wanted to be and no matter what it was, he would support me. My dad took me to Las Vegas many times, but we took a trip for my 21st birthday, which was on a Sunday. We had a very early flight that morning, so we stayed overnight at the hotel at Detroit airport the Saturday night before. He set the alarm for midnight so we could get up and go down to the hotel bar and have a drink at the very minute I turned 21. We talked about how cool it was going to be when the bar tender asked me for my ID. When the clock turned midnight, I ordered my drink, and the bartender served me without even asking to see my ID. We laughed and laughed and I will never for get that. For that same trip, he let me choose where I wanted to stay and we stayed at a suite at the Venetian where I won $750. My fondest and favorite memory of my dad is a boring one. There is not much to tell. But I will never forget one Saturday that my dad took me out for breakfast to Lester's Diner in Bryan just the two of us. I was probably 6 or 7 years old. We sat at a booth at the diner and ate our breakfast and he paid attention to me and only me for the entire time we sat there. I remember feeling so special for those couple of hours. I don't remember what either of us ate or what our waitress looked like. But I can remember the song that was playing and ever since then, it has been one of my favorite songs only because it has always reminded me of Lester's Diner and spending that time with my dad. The song was "Saturday in the Park" by Chicago.

I pray that my dad is at peace now.

Life is good.

It has been quite some time since I've posted, but this summer has been very busy yet very fun. So many things have been going on, I'm not quite sure where to begin...

The big summer project right now is Ryan's pool. He's putting in a 16' x 32' pool in his backyard. He found the one he wanted in Cleveland, went there and tore it down, and now is in the process of putting it back up. It is going to be so nice when it's done. I've been helping when I can, when I'm not at work and when I'm not too tired from work to help. We worked on it for a good 8 hours today in the 95 degree sun all day. All the sand is down and the forms for the bottom are set, but it has to be completely leveled off yet. It's going to take a while to get it all done, but it's going to be amazing. He has been putting a lot of work into it.

Work has been going decent. We were pretty busy a couple of weeks ago and the other PT I work with was on vacation, so it was just me and my boss and the assistants. It was a little crazy and stressful. Now the other PT is back from vacation and we are not so busy, so it's been alright. I am really feeling like an official PT now and actually feel like I know what I'm doing and have some authority around there. I'm not on a power trip or anything, but I do feel like I have more responsibilities now and have earned my place there and gained respect from my peers. Even though the work can be hard (literally heavy lifts), I'm enjoying taking on more complex cases. It makes me feel good to have built a good reputation there.

In addition to work and helping build a pool, everything else in my life seems to be going good at the moment. I have made a lot of positive changes in my life that I'm really happy about. For one thing, I am working very hard on having a new attitude of not sweating the small stuff. I am trying not get bothered by little things that used to really irritate me. Life's too short to get stressed about small things. Another positive change - I have quit drinking. Completely. I thought about it for a long time and never could make myself give it up. But I have decided that it's for the best and the best thing for me to do is just not have any alcohol at all. So I am done. I dumped out every alcoholic beverage that I had in the house and that's it. It's been an adjustment, but nothing I can't handle. A lot of diet pop and crystal light and iced tea and I am fine. Life's too short for being too inebriated to enjoy it. I've also taken up some better hobbies (when I have time for hobbies). It had been a really long time since I actually sat down and read a book for enjoyment. Last week I went to walmart and bought 4 new books and I'm already through 2 of them and will probably get to the library the next evening they are open to see if I can find a few more. I barely use Facebook anymore. I used to be a Facebook addict. Now I really only check it once a day for about 30 seconds. I have a lot more free time to do productive things than sit around updating my Facebook page every 5 minutes. I'm also going to start cooking more often and stop eating quick fix meals like nachos and hot pockets. I haven't cooked a decent meal like I used to in a really long time. I'm going to start again.

So that's what's been going on with me. I feel like it's all been good. This has been a pretty good summer and I think it's going to continue that way. And at the end of summer, I have a week's vacation over Labor Day to look forward to. Life is good.

I haven't had much to say in a while. It's been a lot of the same for me. Busy busy busy. The summer is just flying by with activities, but all good so far. I've been spending a lot of time up at the ball park to watch baseball games, which has me reminiscing a lot about when I was a kid and playing up there myself. I really miss those days. Life was so much simpler then. I miss having a summer that consisted of riding my bike around town, swimming at the pool, and playing softball. I really miss those times. With that being said, I am going to try my hardest to win the lottery and retire early so I can re-live my childhood, because here are the things I miss most about it:

1. Swimming at the pool uptown from 1-5 and 7-9 every single day all summer long (and if I win the lottery I can pay to restore it and do it again).

2. The house we lived in on Fayette street that is next door to my mom's house now (and if I win the lottery I will buy it back just so I can go hang out in it whenever I want to and remember how much I loved it).

3. Sleeping in.

4. Walking to the Frosty Haus (Cruiser's now) and getting ice cream at random times during the day.

5. Riding my bike all around town.

6. Actually having time to read books and magazines.

7. Sitting on the front porch in the evening watching traffic go by without a care in the world.

8. Climbing trees.

9. Going out to my Grandma Ziegler's house and doing all kinds of awesome activities.

10. NOT having to work.

Puppies

Well it's been awhile. Life's been pretty crazy, but I wouldn't change it. Well, I'd change the working part for an early retirement, but other than that, no I wouldn't change anything. Work has had it's fair share of challenges lately. Let's just say that if I could go to work and just do my regular job every day without other people stepping in and trying to alter/change things without my knowledge/consent, then I would have nothing to complain about. But since I don't live in a perfect world, I spend a lot of time whining when things that are out of my control go wrong/get blamed on me/make my work day miserable. Oh well. I guess that's life.

On the plus side, I have a great group of friends and family. And I just found out that my brother and his family are coming home for the weekend so that gives me something pretty fun to look forward to. Plus, Ryan's oldest son graduates high school this weekend and there are a TON of graduation parties to attend. It's going to be busy, but fun.

The only other news in my life is that I am currently contemplating getting a puppy (again). I haven't made my mind up yet, especially since this particular puppy is very expensive, but I am really seriously considering getting it. It is so cute. It's a Padderdale (if I am spelling that right) and so adorable. Ryan's youngest son and I have already named it. I think I might just have to splurge on it and get it, just so Ramona can have a friend to play with and I can finally get another dog after not having one for so long. But we'll see. This puppy is going to cost $500 and I have a trip to Mexico planned for January. Those two items would pretty much use up my entire tax return from this year, so I have some serious decision making to do, because the Mexico trip has already been paid for and is happening no matter what :)

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there and especially mine who is truly amazing. My mom is the greatest mother a person could ever ask for and I love her very much. I appreciate her more than words can say. She has done so much for me in my lifetime and made so many sacrifices for me. She is the strongest person I know and I am so thankful for her.