Foodisms

Since I decided to do minimal work today on my scholarly project and CSCS stuff, I've been laying around trying to think of something fun and interesting to post on here, since apparently no one is reading this (according to my little map on the left side of this page). The best I could come up with is a list of issues that I have with food. Everyone knows that I am extremely picky about food. I don't try to hide it at all...but here's a list of really weird issues that I have with every-day normal foods.

• I don't like cold cheese. The worst party food ever is a cheese tray. I only like cheese if it's melted. But...I can eat pepper jack cheese cold if it is on a sandwich or mixed with something else. I can also eat cold shredded cheese on salads, and in this case, I prefer the really thick sharp cheddar shredded cheese.
• I like ground beef (like hamburger meat) in tacos, casseroles, etc. But I HATE shredded beef. Case in point, my first visit to Chipotle was a huge disaster when I ordered the "beef burrito" and found out that it came with shredded beef. It was a waste of $7. I now only order the chicken fajita burrito from there.
• I do not like tomatoes or ketchup at all, but I love salsa, hot sauce, and pasta sauce. I don't like pizza that has been made with too much pizza sauce (e.g. the pizza stop) but I can't eat spaghetti unless it is dominated with spaghetti sauce to the point that you can't even find the spaghetti noodles.
• I like chicken, but I can't eat it off the bone. Although this can be explained by the fact that I have dissected an entire human being in cadaver lab, which looks just like chicken on the bone. However, I do love to eat ribs with lots of sauce, which obviously are on rib bones.
• Mayonnaise, Miracle Whip, sour cream, and Ranch dressing all make me want to barf. But I do love 7 layer salad (without the celery layer), ranch and/or sour cream and onion flavored chips, and ranch bacon pasta salad (which requires mayo).
• I love pork. Bring on the hog roast! But I can only eat it if it is made plain and then I add BBQ sauce later. If it is already mixed with the BBQ sauce and/or marinated in something (anything), I can't eat it.
• I only really like chocolate if it's mixed with peanut butter. Since cake isn't often mixed with peanut butter, I don't like chocolate cake. I like vanilla or yellow cake and only with some sort of white or cream frosting.
• I do not like "chunks" of things in my ice cream, unless those "chunks" are soft - like cookie dough. I can't eat ice cream if it has something like peanuts or sprinkles on it because that makes it too crispy.
• Speaking of peanuts, I do like them...but not if they are mixed with something soft, like brownies or cake. Soft foods are meant to stay soft.
• I love salty foods, but I hate pretzels. I do like the big soft warm pretzels without the salt on them though. And I do love the honey mustard onion flavored chunks of pretzels that they sell at Walmart.
• I drink pop, but I don't even really like the fizzy kinds like diet Pepsi or diet Coke because the more fizz they have, the more they hurt my throat to swallow. I don't even know why I drink pop to be honest. It really does hurt to drink it, unless it's diet Mountain Dew, which doesn't have much fizz.
• I like hot dogs and I like cheese, but if you mix the two together and feed me one, I WILL throw up.
• I don't like bologna cold, but if you put it on a skillet and fry it until it's black, I can eat it with toast.
• Fruit is not meant to be mixed with something non-fruit tasting. For example, pineapple does not go on pizza and dehydrated cherries don't belong in trail mix. Although I do know that tomatoes are technically a "fruit," we will allow them to be the exception to the rule since they are so good in salsa which is so good on tortilla chips.
• There are only 3 kinds of beans that I can eat. Two of them are kidney beans and chili beans, which I only ever eat in chili. The third kind is whatever kind of beans are in Bush's baked beans, which are only good with lots of bacon chunks.
• And, my final thoughts in the words of my friend Eli - "mushrooms taste like someone farted on an eel."