Respect

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who think that I don't work hard. Obviously anyone who reads this blog knows that I'm busting my butt to become a PT, but there are a lot of people out there who don't know about this or don't read it and many of them are under the impression that I'm just wasting my time and being lazy. It's so frustrating. I'm getting sick of pointing out to everyone that, although I'm technically on a 5 week break, I'm spending that break working on a very big project and studying for a certification exam. Even that doesn't seem to be enough. I've been put through the guilt trip so many times for not going to Wisconsin with my mom this week to see my nephew. Yes, I do feel horrible about the fact that I'm not able to go, but that's just it - I'm not ABLE to go. It's not that I don't WANT to go. I CAN'T. I have put too much into this program to throw it away now and lose my focus on the finish line. This is the time when I really need to stay grounded. By the end of August, I have two huge milestones to achieve. No one seems to understand that I need EVERY DAY until then to achieve them.

And let me just say one other thing...I am extremely flattered when people tell me I'm smart. It's a really nice compliment and I would never complain about being told that. However, I don't think I was born any smarter than anyone else. I had to WORK at it. I wasn't born with the ability to hear things once and remember them forever (some people are...but trust me, I wasn't). I have to bust my butt to be "smart." And one thing that really gets under my skin is when people say, "oh don't worry about it. You're smart. You'll do fine. Why are you so worried about it?" To those people, I would love to say something along the lines of - "I appreciate the compliment, but I really feel like you are undermining all of the hard work that I have put into being 'smart.' It isn't something that just happens. I've put a lot of effort into getting this far and I won't be able to finish without the same or greater amount of effort. That's why I'm still working hard and worrying about it. Nothing about this had been just handed to me. I've worked for it."

But...if I say that, I just end up looking like a selfish brat and then people ask me why I ever even went "back" to school in the first place. Excuse me, but in my opinion, it's also really degrading to tell me that I am going "back" to school. Grad school is not "back" to school. Grad school is "continuing" school. I am not making a career out of going "back" to school, I am making a career of helping other people by "continuing" school. I am also not a "college student." I may be attending a University, but I am a "graduate student." I don't go out partying all the time, drinking out of beer bongs, and hooking up with frat guys. I'm working on a scholarly project with words in the title that I didn't even understand and couldn't even pronounce two years ago. When I present my project this fall, 99% of the people listening to it won't even understand what I'm saying either. That kind of a project can not be completed "the night before."

I'm not saying that I deserve any more respect than anyone else, but all I would like to ask is to be given the respect that I deserve and not treated like a spoiled little girl who is wasting her time. It's too bad that the only people who understand what I'm going through are the people who read this. Maybe I should print this out...